what I'm hearing.

You weary heart, take comfort and rest in me. You've got a prolonged journey of healing in front of you. You yearn for something greater in your shattered contentment; but all you're ever going to need is standing right in front of you. Your desire is to strive for something bigger than what you've been given, but you know deep in your heart that what you've been offered here is enough. You hunger, thirst, and crave for happiness; but joy is your true necessity. You've begun to wonder if you've lost someone that you love dearly, and you fear that you will forget him over time... but know that he's in your heart, your memories, and your mind all too often to be forgotten. Don't give up, broken soul ... For your God brings beauty from pain. You are questioning the meaning of life in a way that you've never doubted before. You've never experienced grief and mourning of a loved one until now, and you have no idea how to tackle the pain. Take comfort in me, and rest. I will bring beauty from pain.

Tim Paschen.

Emptiness is what you're left with when someone you love passes away. Like a piece of your heart has broken off, and you just can't find it admist the ruins. Tim was someone who put a smile on your face no matter how you were feeling. He was the goofiest uncle in the world; and his big things were baseball, play n' trade, and the beatles. I will always think about Tim when I come across any of those things. I miss and love him a whole lot. I always will. This whole thing has made me realize just how important family is... not just immediate family; but extended family such as uncles and aunts and cousins. They mean so much to me, and I love all of them with all of my heart. Tim was a great person; and I wish I had the chance to say goodbye.

Timothy Alan Paschen.
Nov 1959 - July 22, 2008
we love you, and we miss you, Uncle Tim. Rest in Peace.

this candle ...

This candle, without a glare of light. It's scented like that of roses, and we're drawn to it. "Follow me" the crisp whisper calls. "But your wick... it's not ignited. I can't find you in this darkness." I cried aloud. "just a couple steps away to my beauty; I'll lead you here." convincing voices fill the air. "don't go." a deep whisper cries.

So I take another step forward, and the lovely scent grows stronger. I close my eyes and breathe it in. Absolutely what I want. I will leave everything I have for this. It's so great. Another attempted leap, and I stumble. the distant cries grow further away as I step closer.

"You said you'd lead me safely." I mocked the words. A deafening voice threatens, "Go on! You're almost here. Take a step!!" I feel a strong pull forward. As I step into what seemed to be glorious fragrance, the aroma turns to obscene burning ... the most callous odor I've ever sensed. My heart is aching. My feet are burning. This is not what I thought it was. Everything is dark. Everyone is crying. Everyone ... with dirt in their eyes. "Where's the beauty I saw from afar?" I cried out to nothing. "This is beauty. Watching you fall. Leading you on to think I'm something that I'm not. You've now stepped into a hole, that no one can get you out. You're stuck with me." The world's desires surround me. I can't get out. I fall to my knees in shame of what I've been deceived into.

"God, help me!" I cry to a seemingly distant belief. Suddenly the desires surrounding me are pushed back hard by a light so beautiful, so bright, that I can barely look at it. Strong arms pick me up, and carry me out of the darkness. Jesus stands right in front of me ...

"Why didn't you protect me from going there?" I asked my savior. "I tried. I was the voice you denied to listen to telling you not to go. I was the one crying when you fell. I give you free will. You chose to go, and you called back." A smile swept across His face.

He gently gave me a candle. "This is a symbol of me. I'll always be with you. I will guide you. I will give you the scent you want and need. I will be your hands and feet. Protect this flame. Let it shine in you. Let me be seen. Share this flame. But don't give it away. Never let me go. I'm always here for you. I love you more than you'll ever know. More than anyone could ever love you. Agape love."

I fell to my knees in praise to the God that gives me light. "Always here." I repeated.

You are my everything; my all in all.

I’m breathing you in; everything that you are. Love, mercy, compassion, care, joy, happiness, wonder, excitement, peace ... all pouring down and washing me clean. You are being inhaled by my weak lungs right at this moment. Beauty seeping through my eyes covering the pain inside me, and exposing my heart to love again. The exciting newfound hope is causing me to explode into a melody never heard before: you’re melody ... made for me. Amazing light is crashing through the blaring darkness. I’m finally shielded from the obstacles I keep stumbling over. Your word, being inscribed into my flesh; it’s stuck with me forever. To be my guide, to be my source of light in the narrow path sure to come ... You are my everything; my all in all.